Question by Renting Emotion♥: Poetry Criticism Needed Please&Thankyou <3 Desperate?
I don’t mind if you don’t want to read it all, just any sort of feedback on anything would be highly appreciated…
The smell of your decomposing corpse
tends to somewhat, arouse me
My parched lips, caressed against your toes
Chewing upon your moldy feet,
Grasping at your ankles
My teeth gently pull back your nails
your charming, spongey toenails
intrigue my captivated mind
However, I begin to wonder
When did I lose my sanity?
My shattered body
Sprawled across the floor
My legs trembling
and head spinning
I try to recollect
the fragments of my mind
I pick the splinters of my memories
out from my hushed tongue
My throat combusts into rational screams
I throw myself against the walls
My flame of hate and rage
flickers upon the knife
The twinkle entices me
Addicted to the pain
Anything to cure me
It’s my quick fix for
Don’t take away my remedy
The moonlight hesitates to shine upon you..
Paralyzed at the thought of what it might pry
Snuggle closer into your shadow my dear
Let your cries lull you to sleep
Quick, play dead, stop trembling!
Suicide is wandering through your abyss!
Restrain your self pity
He’s on the hunt for a rescue
You’re tangled in brewing temptation
and bombarded in bitter guilt-trips
You’re condemned to this life
and I won’t let you take the shortcut out
My 25th Suicide Note
And still I can’t word it right
’cause no pattern of words
can describe this life
Who do I address it to?
What am I suspose to say?
Will it be something new?
Where should I leave it?
Am I saying goodbye?
Or is it a thankyou?
Am I giving reasons why?
I just don’t know what to do.
Should I leave everyone in guilt
and blame it on them?
Or should I reassure the lot
telling them it’s okay.
I never learnt the layout of
a suicide note in school
But they sure did give me tips
on full-proof ways to die
What does this note matter anyway
it’s not like I’ll know what’s gonna happen
or how people will feel about it
I think I’ll just say.. Free
You can glower at me all night,
I know you won’t bite.
You say I’m so indelible
But that’s just all babble
You say I cause your sorrow
Just simply take a placebo
You blamed me ‘cause I’m toxic
Not my fault you drank some arsenic
You want to take back my deceit?
Well where’s your receipt?
Your smiles were an anodyne to my malediction
But your tears chagrined deep into my heart.
I can’t forget the expression on your face,
A plainitive frown, forlorn stare
Stained on the back of my eyelids.
You have a pathological urge to bleed…
Is there a cure for your narcissism?
Maybe an excuse for your pernicious traits?
I mean, honestly, your ways are contagious,
Infecting me with your sadistic poisons.
Do you realize I’m dieing with you?
He looks down upon my fragile body
As I silently weap out cries for help
His glare casts a coarse blanket over me
All my hairs are standing on end
I don’t know whether to open my eyes
Will seeing this monster help?
Or will it give a face to the demon
haunting every one of my dreams?
Oh I’m so scared, I just want to go home.
What will he next say with his fiendish tongue
Which he uses to intrude my quivering lips
Could it be that this is the last time?
Or that it’s MY last time..
I don’t know, but if I get out of here
I promise that I wont run away again
My wound is weaping out unfocused memories
Broken emotions are rotting in my veins
And this corrupt heart is pumping shame
~faster and faster..
all my prutrid passions are forming scabs
As puss of regrets leak from blisters
Oh this wound wont ever heal..
Rip it open~
Lets reveal the lies and secrets of the past
Thankyou all, so much, honestly =)
Answer by Starzz
Wow. They where all great but I loved one, three, five, and six. The emotion and ending you put on them are excellent. I enjoy your vocabulary and I just enjoyed reading them overall.
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